Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i came on her dog
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
