you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
