How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
