he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
