he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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