you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
