just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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