I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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