omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
