i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
