I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
