And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
