But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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