I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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