i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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