So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
