Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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