Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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