Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The power of my boobs compel you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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