My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
