oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
