Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
