Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
