did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
