you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
