is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just pee around me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
