I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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