Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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