guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
