My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
