I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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