That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
