I will die if light touches me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
