i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
