It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
