Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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