exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
