Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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