i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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