Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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