Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
