I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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