I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
