so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Less talking, more tequila
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
