You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
