Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
