i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
