Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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