So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Randomize
