butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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