I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
